The right approach to the opposite sex has never been all that easy to deal with. Many of us find it difficult to effectively protect our hearts when someone comes into our lives and draws our attention. I did not find a specific subject for you girls, but I’ve found it to be a good idea to share here with you about a very useful mechanism in my life to know almost instantly if a girl is or not my potential future wife, which I call  The Qualification System™.

My Qualification System™ is a funny and serious way that I created to separate all the girls I know into categories. If you’re a girl, and I know you, you certainly have been passed through it (no exceptions!). It operates 24 hours a day and starts in my mind every time I meet a girl.

About 3 years ago I was easily romantically attracted to any girl that showed me some noble character attributes. It happened three times in fact. It was a difficult time. I did not have any clear mechanism for qualification, then any girl with some noble qualities that appeared to me  entered in my heart, and I had to deal with that, which is much more difficult than if I had not allowed her to enter it in the first place. My heart, instead of being busy worried about whether or not a girl is my wife, it is free to love the Lord our G-d only, without any distraction, until the day He tells me who she is. Isn’t it amazing?!

Thus, this mechanism exists to tell me three things: 1) if my heart is trusting in G-d, 2) who will NOT be my future wife and 3) Who CAN be my future wife.

1) Am I trusting in G-d with ALL my heart?

The word “All” is always very powerful. It brings an idea of wholeness, deepness and excellence, and therefore, cannot be taken lightly. So, to understand this issue well, let me define what is the dating and what the court.

To make a long story short, dating is any romantic relationship whose partner is chosen initially and/or exclusively by you. Genesis 6 tells us how destructive is the dating.

It happened, as men began to multiply on the earth, and had daughters, the sons of God saw that the daughters of men were beautiful, and they took them wives of all which they chose – Genesis 6: 1-2

Besides the fact that the primarily focus of  dating is the physical appearance (“the daughters were beautiful”), Genesis 6 speaks of a society where people choose for themselves their romantic partners. It is a process that starts first in his heart. First you pick the person, not their parents or any other adviser in your life. It is a matter of opening your heart to that person before any advice.

On the other hand, courtship is a romantic relationship initiated and supervised along with the parents. It is not the father that chooses the partner, it is a partnership between him and his daughter to seek together if it is really the will of Gd unite the two in set-apart matrimony.

When I feel that God may have marriage in mind with a particular girl, I will not try to win her heart directly, I will not access her heart in the first place, we will not “choose each other” but rather go to her father before any romantic interaction at the level of heart. In the dating model, first we fall in love, and we would first “be completely sure” that I am her future for then going to her father and ask for his advice. Have you got the difference?

If I’ve never talked to your father objectively about you, it means I really have no potential romantic interest to you. But why I shared all this? It’s because if I notice that in my heart, I “chose” someone, it means I’m not trusting in G-d with ALL my heart that He will bring the right person at the right time and under the right circumstances. It’s a heart issue that is going on and I must deal with it as soon as possible with my Father who knows my heart.

So if a girl shows up and gets my attention, my Qualification System instantly tells me that I should not “choose her” and work to make her fall in love with me without first of all consult her father. That way I have the chance of asking  my Heavenly Father to expose my own heart so I can see my true motivations, and then decide if I should go or not go to her father, or just forget it. It’ll  depend on what my Heavenly Father tells me.

2) who will NOT be my future wife

This is the funniest part of the whole thing. It’s really very simple. If a girl “chooses” me and falls in love with me directly, she is disqualified as a potential future spouse. Simple like that! She has just proved to me that she doesn’t know (or doesn’t want to do) the right thing, and was self-disqualified as a potential future wife. No matter who she is, no matter the other qualities she may have, she just jump in the category “I am his future wife.”

Another example. When an immodestly dressed girl came to me,  she has been disqualified in less than one second. I will not need to spend time asking G-d if she is or not my future wife. My system will do it for me automatically! She is not. Period.

If a girl wants to spend much time alone with me, talking about deep things of her heart, sharing her heart so easily (rather than share it with her dad!), she has already proven that she is not able to be a good wife and has been self-disqualified. These women will remain forever in that category, and I won’t have to spend any energy concerning about them (“is she the one? is she not?”), which makes my life much easier if I had to check one by one with G-d.

If a girl is trying to do much physical contact with me, she is disqualified. It is not good for man to touch a woman who is not married with. Hugs, kisses on the cheek or hand touching are acts that G-d intended to stimulate sexual feelings, therefore, should be avoided by anyone who you are not married with. Period.

There are several other things that automatically disqualify a girl, but I will not share them here, otherwise I would have to write a book! You can also add other parameters in order to filter those who will not be your future spouse (specific physical parameters for instance).

Attention. I’m not saying here that I should never talk to these girls again. Rather, many of these girls I am very friend and I talk with them normally as anyone else. The point here is that my heart will not get busy all the time asking itself “Is she the one?” because she is already properly in its category.

3) Who can be my future wife

Here comes all the girls who were not disqualified.  Here there may be just a few girls to worry about. The point now is that now that I have “to worry” just about these girls, not all the other that comes to me.  But just because they are here does not mean that I should start something romantic with them. Because they were not disqualified, I should approach them with even more respect and purity.

I’m not looking for a wife now, simply because I believe that some things need to achieve before you start looking for my dear future wife. It’s all a matter of heart. If a girl is threatening my purity and trusting in G-d, I have to declare war against my heart and become G-d’s ally to find out what is the issue and fix the issue in it so that my heart finds G-d’s protection. This article was kind of funny to me, maybe because I invented that mechanism, I dunno. It works at least! I hope it has provided you something serious too.

Blessings to you,

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