I am so excited about this month’s Featured Femina! I had the privilege to interview Mrs. Gretchen Acheson and she is pretty amazing! Instead of me going on and on about her, I’ll just introduce her and let you get to know this really wonderful woman who we can all look to for a Godly example of a young woman!

Would you share about your life and family in “the little pink house”?

These days, with two little girls (a 2-month-old and an almost 2-year-old), life at the little pink house is a never-ending cycle of dishes, laundry, diapers, and cooking. But in the spaces between the “to-do’s” there are slobbery kisses, little girls to cuddle, sweetly sleeping babies at whom to peek, a little girl who wants to do everything just like Mommy does, and a husband to be kissed and welcomed home at night. And that more than makes up for the exhausting life of a mother!

With the coming of autumn, the schedule of the family farm has slowed down a bit, giving us more time to focus on adding two bedrooms to our little (once-pink) house. That’s the project that keeps my husband busy in between work and chores. It is also the source our 2-year-old’s greatest excitement and the most dust our furniture has ever seen!

I welcome this, my favorite season, as a time when I can cook our dinners in a cast iron pan atop our wood stove, and watch the flickering light of candles in the evenings. The shorter daylight hours mean that we get more time together as a family, piled in bed reading the Scriptures in the morning, and cuddling on the couch watching the fire and reading books of an evening.

Yes, it sounds idyllic. And it really is. My husband even makes it home for all three meals most days. I’m very spoiled. But it’s also crazy and busy. And there’s many a day the dishes never get done. It’s real life happily ever after…and we love every crazy minute of it, in our little pink house.

What is your favorite thing about being a mama?
Watching the girls’ daddy with our daughters. From the first time I met Merritt, I could see that he genuinely liked children. He would take time to play with them, talk with them, explain to them. It was easy to picture him holding a little person that had his brown eyes and my red hair. I knew he would balance out my impatient tendencies and be a loving but firm daddy.

Now I get to watch him be just that with our girls every single day. And in return, they absolutely dote on him. Ruth may love her mommy, but it’s the sound of her daddy’s car coming up the driveway that makes her jump up from whatever she’s doing, squeal with excitement, and race to stand right in front of the door. These days, it’s a race to see which of us can get his kisses first. Marry a man who will make a good daddy.

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Can you give some encouragement to the young ladies who are waiting for the man God has for them?
Don’t rush. Marriage is not a place at which you will “arrive” but a season which will come in His time. Don’t spend all your time wishing you were married. Marriage is not the end goal of life. Don’t sit around waiting for your man to come.

Don’t fall in love. True love is a plant of slow growth which will be the sweeter for strong roots and a sure foundation. Don’t marry for the sake of marriage alone. Don’t rush. It takes time to prove the mettle of a man, and only time will reveal a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

You will marry a sinner. Open your eyes wide to his faults and think long and hard about whether you want to spend the rest of your life living with those imperfections magnified one hundred-fold. Listen to the counsel of those who know and love you both. They can see red flags that are invisible from your perspective.

Marry a friend. Most of married life is lived side by side, not face to face. Don’t rush. You will have the rest of your lives together.

Being married to your best friend is worth the wait.

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What gave you the inspiration for YLCF?
In its infancy, YLCF was just a little girls’ club called “The Purry Kittens” that my cousin and I started in January of 1991 because our brothers had a boys’ club (in the nature of The Sugar Creek Gang) called “The Tardogs.” My inherited love of writing and organization was evident in the early “newsletters” I put out for the P.K. Club—long before I’d ever heard of magazines published by other homeschooled girls.

But the “club” grew along with me, and as I formed convictions I shared them in the newsletter that was becoming a way for me to practice my writing and editing skills. Through a pen pal ad in a homeschool magazine, I met other girl editors like me: they spurred me to pursue excellence in my publishing and balance in my opinions. The friends I’ve made through YLCF have literally helped shape my convictions—and still represent many of my closest friends.

It wasn’t that I got inspired one day to start a magazine and website that would be read around the world. Instead, it feels as if it has literally been a gift (read: blessing) from the Lord, in the shape of friends and fellowship, and a way to use my passion for writing to encourage others.

What is the most important point you want to get across on your site?
We want to cast a vision of what happy marriages can be like. We want to encourage purity and patience in romantic relationships, as well as a busy life serving others whether married or single. We are all about the art of homemaking and the beauty of femininity. But outward symbols of submission mean nothing if our hearts are not fully His. It is all meaningless without the Messiah.

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Can you tell us about your journey in femininity?
Like most girls, I grew up with the dream of being a beautiful princess. Except, my image of femininity was less than what is portrayed in fairy tales, more Anne of Green Gables, and Josephine March. They were strong women who were far from being just ornamental: they had a passion, a calling—and they were fulfilling it. Their attire, their demeanor, their femininity was a reflection of who they were. And so was mine—I was Daddy’s little girl, with two long red braids, wearing gloves and his too-big hats to help him cut firewood; Mommy’s helper, doing dishes in my own apron, and pretty dresses on Sundays—until I began to respond to the pressure of my peers.

It was a different kind of peer pressure than we were reading about in the homeschool magazines: but it came right off those pages. One day I got a girls’ publication and read one person’s definition of modesty. I jumped on the bandwagon and wore nothing but skirts and dresses, except for rare occasions like when I was once again Daddy’s girl hunting by his side.

Yes, I got comments. Yes, I stood out in the crowd. But not always in a good way. I had forgotten that frumpiness is not equal to godliness. I had forgotten that pride in my modest attire would stand in the way of relationships with others who didn’t dress like I did. I was “dressing” for the wrong reasons.

It took a close-up view of the battles in another family’s home over the “skirt issue” for me to see how easily it could become more about rules (and pride) than about modesty and femininity. And it took many months and years for me to learn to be who God made me to be, rather than who some others thought I should be.

Femininity is not something you can put on, but rather a reflection of an inner beauty. And that beauty, that femininity is something that nothing can take away—not the mud and sweat of honest labor, nor the bloody scars of being stripped and beaten for the cause of Messiah. Nothing can take away the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4). That “set-apart femininity” is what I strive for.

What has been the most encouraging thing in that journey?
Marrying a man who knew me in my frumpy days and liked me anyway! No, seriously, my husband Merritt has been my continual inspiration—not just to dress attractively for his sake, but to not dress according to man-made rules. For as long as I have known him, Merritt has been patient to question my “convictions” and ask me where I found them in Scripture.

My husband often talks about the Americanization of Christianity. We have made it “Christian” to dress, talk, and act in a certain way here in North America, despite the fact that very sincere believers in other countries have an entirely different style of dress and behavior, whether by situation or by necessity.

When we talk of modesty, I always think of the story Elisabeth Elliot told of the Auca Indians. They wore nothing but a string around their bellies. But to them, the neighboring tribe who was lacking that tiny bit of adornment was walking around stark naked and terribly immodest. That did not mean that Elisabeth and her daughter Valerie adopted the same mode of (un)dress to minister to them. But neither did they equate wearing clothes to believing in the Messiah. Ever since the Garden of Eden, a realization of one’s nakedness seems to follow an encounter with one’s Creator (Genesis 3:7).

In another part of the world, my cousin Jennifer, careful not to offend her new African friends, wears several layers of skirts and a head covering when going out, since only one layer of fabric is deemed quite immodest. Jennifer has freedom in the Messiah to wear only one layer. Elisabeth and Valerie could have demanded that the Aucas wear the clothes they had neither money nor opportunity to buy. But in so doing, each of these women could have forever damaged not only their own reputation, but their Lord’s, in the minds of these people.

That is not to say I believe modesty is immaterial. But wearing a specific style or cut of clothing will not save anyone. I dress my daughters in cute and modest attire now, praying that by the time they are grown enough to make their own clothing decisions, they will have acquired a heart of modesty which will be reflected in their wardrobe.

As a married woman, I am incredibly jealous for my husband’s eyes. But in my desire to protect him, I have to guard against not only a self-righteous attitude, but a spirit critical of those who expose more than I would have my husband see.

I am responsible for how I dress. It reflects directly on my husband and my Lord. My actions and attire have the power to “commend the gospel.” I must use that power wisely, so that no one will “dishonor the Word of God” because of me (Titus 2:5).

I married a godly man. In submitting to him, I submit to my Lord. My husband’s smile of approval is my daily encouragement to dress modestly, attractively, and femininely. After all, I am his beauty. And his is the approval I dress for.

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What is the best advice you have ever received?

My mother always told me that her mother always told her: it is selfish to be self-conscious. I have always struggled with being self-conscious. Maybe everyone else does, too. But I’m always slightly jealous of those who appear so self-confident. Because I myself am feeling self-conscious about not being self-confident! It’s all about self.

Whenever I actually make the conscious effort to be others-conscious, I feel at ease making them feel at ease. And I’ve found that the easiest way to start is with a simple smile. The Scriptures say, “A joyful heart is good medicine” (Proverbs 17:22). And after all, “Never frown: you don’t know who’s falling in love with your smile.”

Gretchen writes regularly for ylcf.org, as well as at her own blog, From the Little Pink House.

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