I’d like to welcome our first Featured Femina, Mrs. Shoe or Mrs. Kim Coglhan. The title of “Mrs. Shoe” comes from her family blog called “Life in a Shoe:  methods and madness of one family of 11″. She is a great inspiration and example of a devoted mother and wife.

FF: Can you tell us a little about yourself, for those of us who don’t read your blog?

Mrs. Shoe: My husband and I have been married for 16 years and we have 9 children plus 3 more in heaven. My husband is the oldest of 6 children, and I’m the oldest of 14 children so being part of a large and growing family comes pretty naturally to both of us. We are second generation homeschoolers striving to glorify God with all the gusto we can muster, so life never slows down in our little house. We have too many pets, never enough chocolate, and just the right number of children – for now.

FF: Have you always dressed modestly as you do now? If not, when did you start and why.

Mrs. Shoe: No. I used to dress very much like the people around me. Over the years, I became aware of the struggles that men face when the women around them dress provocatively and my own wardrobe began to change.
We don’t believe that pants on women are sinful, but we do think they make it very easy for the men around us to stumble. One way that we choose to love our neighbor is by doing what we can to keep them from stumbling.
Likewise, we don’t believe that every girl or woman who wears a pair of pants is masculine. However, we think that American society has blurred the lines between the gender to an alarming degree. We choose to act against this by making sure that our girls dress in a distinctly, unabashedly feminine way. Ditto for the boys. I don’t use gender-neutral clothes on my children for this reason.

FF: Has there ever been a time that your girls disliked dressing in skirts and dresses? How have you — or how would you, if it ever presented itself as a problem — dealt with that?

Mrs. Shoes: Strangely enough, my girls have always worn a lot of dresses even though I typically reserved my dresses for church. Hubby and I liked the fact that our girls preferred to dress in a distinctly feminine manner, and over the years we gradually decided to make our own fashion statement by dressing modestly and femininely, flying the face of general society.
It’s not always so easy, though. We do have to remind them why we do this sometimes. Again, in our view it comes down to loving our neighbor – specifically, our male neighbor. Why would we knowingly put temptation in front of them?

FF: Do you have any favorite modesty and femininity sites? Would you share them?

Mrs. Shoe: Two of my favorites are Ladies Against Feminism, and Noble Womanhood. I’ve had the privilege of meeting the owners of both sites in person, and they are both very passionate about living to God’s glory. It shows in their website.

FF: In your aim to be modest and feminine, have you had any struggles or challenges? If you don’t mind sharing, how did you overcome them?

Mrs. Shoe: I still find myself pushing the line when it comes to modest dress. Old habits die hard. I want to wear my neckline just a little lower, my shirts just a little more snug, and hubby has to remind me that my (ahem) features can be a little too prominent in certain outfits.

It’s not hard to keep my attitude in check when I remind myself to dress to please my husband rather than myself or others. If he really wants me to wear a slightly looser shirt or a longer skirt, why would I want to do the opposite?

FF: How do you go about teaching modesty and femininity to your daughters?

Mrs. Shoe: Oh, that’s a hard question. I think we do it in many ways. I try to lead by example. We discuss the issue with them. We talk to them and with them about why we dress differently – the reasons mentioned above.
We try to be aware of the influences upon our children: we don’t read fashion magazines, watch teen television shows, or shop at trendy clothing stores.
But ultimately I think nearly every girl and woman dresses to please the man or men that are most important in her life. If all is well, then this will be the father of an unmarried girl and the husband of a married woman.

I think one of the most important ways to keep the girls on same page as us is for their dad to help form their ideas of beauty and fashion by simply giving them his opinion: constructive criticism seasoned with plenty of loving compliments.

FF: Modesty concerning boys is not a topic often addressed, as a mother of a young man is this something you think about? How do you go about teaching your little man about modesty?

Mrs. Shoe: As a mother of one small man with 8 sisters, this is definitely something we think about! He’s only 2 1/2, but he already has a rather good grasp of the issue as it applies in his 2 1/2 year old life. As with the girls, we are striving to shape and form his concepts of modesty and decency, making sure that he understands right from the start that this is important stuff.
Our boys and girls can learn much about modesty from each other. Already, our son notices and comments when we wear something more revealing than usual. He covers his eyes when he accidentally sees somebody changing clothes. He has yet to learn to keep his own clothes on, but we’re working on it. :)

He is learning from us what is appropriate and this will influence his opinions of other girls and women as he gets older. Of course we’ve hardly begun in this area!

FF: If you could go back in time, where would you go and why?

Mrs. Shoe: Go back? I’d rather go forward and see what further wonders of technology God has in store for us next! I’m already dumbfounded at the advances that have become commonplace in my own short life. I feel like somebody’s great grandmother telling stories about my youth:
When I was young, we didn’t have computers, microwaves, CDs, cell phones, or even cordless phones. Our phones were wired to the wall and you had to sit still while you talked…and we didn’t have VCRs yet either.
What’s a VCR, you ask?

FF: If you could choose between Anne (from Anne of Green Gables) and Elizabeth (from Pride and Prejudice) as your very closest friend, who would you choose and why?

Mrs. Shoe: I’ll defer to my daughter, who chooses Elizabeth. She says that Elizabeth is honorable, caring and sensitive, taking life seriously but never lacking in joy. In contrast, Anne is vain, flighty and thinks with her heart the way modern girls are encouraged to do – not something we encourage in our Christian young ladies who should understand that “the heart is deceitful and desparately wicked.” (Jer. 17:9)

FF: Any bits of wisdom or advice concerning modesty and femininity?

Mrs. Shoe: Many Christian ladies today will object to having their consciences bound because of a man’s propensity to sin with his eyes. Just remember that he is your neighbor. If he is a Christian, then he’s your brother in Christ. Would you rather stand on your own right to dress as you please, or would you do everything in your power to keep your brother or neighbor from committing adultery with his eyes?
How would you want others to help when you faced temptation?

Thank you for joining us Mrs. Shoe. I hope that the ladies here gleaned some insight and wisdom from you! Visit Mrs. Shoe at Life in a Shoe.

You can read more about this column and how to nominate here: Featured Femina.

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